When Things Feel Overwhelming, Get Curious

Leadership is hard in the way that it’s constant. You’re pulled in a lot of directions, things stack up quickly, and at some point you shift into just trying to keep things moving.

Most leaders don’t notice when that shift happens, but I see it all the time in coaching. You move into get-it-done mode. You’re reacting more than thinking. You’re solving what’s right in front of you. And usually, that’s when curiosity drops off.

I had a conversation today with a leader who is very much in that space. He walked me through everything going on. Issues with his team, frustration with his boss, a general sense that everything feels harder than it should right now.

One dynamic stood out. His boss is operating too far in the weeds, stepping in more than he should. The team feels it and has taken it personally. There’s a lot of frustration, and at this point they’ve almost decided that no matter what this person does, it’s going to land wrong.

So now my coachee is managing around that. Trying to keep things moving in a situation that already feels heavy. I asked him what might be going on for his boss that’s leading him to show up this way. He paused and said he hadn’t really thought about it.

That’s the moment I see a lot. Not knowing isn’t the issue. It’s realizing you haven’t even gone there. He had been so focused on dealing with the impact that he hadn’t stepped back to think about the cause.

When you’re in the weeds, it’s not just that you make assumptions. It’s that you don’t even get to curiosity. You’re moving too quickly to question anything, so you default to whatever explanation is closest.

If you’re feeling stuck in something right now, it’s worth assuming this might be happening for you too. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because this is what pressure does.

Curiosity doesn’t show up on its own in those moments. You have to force it a bit.

I always find it helpful to have a process to follow when doing something that feels new or out of my comfort zone so I'm sharing in case it's helpful to you. 

A — Acknowledge. Slow yourself down just enough to notice what’s happening. Usually it’s something like: I’m reacting, I’m frustrated, and if I’m honest, I don’t really want to slow down and think about this properly.

C — Get Curious. Shift out of telling yourself what’s happening and into asking: What’s actually going on here? What am I curious about? What don't I understand?

T — Trace it back. Instead of staying at the surface, ask: What might be driving this? What’s underneath this that I’m not seeing yet?

This isn’t about doing a full analysis. It’s just a way to interrupt your first reaction and go one layer deeper than you normally would. So if you’re in the middle of something messy right now, lean into your curiosity and see what happens.

Being curious tends to open up a very different line of thinking, and usually points you closer to what actually needs to be solved.