Your reputation is being shaped in moments you're not paying attention to

Earlier in my career, a high potential program was created at the organization I worked for. A lot of my peers were included. I wasn't.

I was frustrated, honestly more than I'd like to admit. I thought I was more diligent, more careful, more thorough than some of the people who made the list. And I probably was. But that wasn't really the point, and it took me a while to see that.

What I eventually understood was that I had been keeping my head down, doing good work, and assuming it would speak for itself. I was quiet in large group settings, I preferred one-on-one conversations, and I wasn't naturally inclined to take up a lot of space. None of that made me less capable. But it did make me less visible. And visibility, it turns out, matters more than most people who are good at their jobs want to believe.

I'm not an introvert who suddenly became an extrovert. That's not what changed. What changed was that I got more intentional about specific moments. I started preparing for meetings so I had a point of view and I stated it early. I asked questions that showed I was tracking the conversation. I spoke up on things I knew well, using language like "based on my experience" rather than hedging or waiting to be asked. I made an effort to connect with people I didn't know as well, particularly those who were more senior than me. None of it felt dramatic. But it shifted how I was seen over time.

Also, this isn't just an introvert problem.

I've worked with leaders on the other end of the spectrum too. People who are highly visible, vocal, decisive, who fill a room without trying. That can be an asset. It can also work against you. A leader who tends to speak first, react quickly, or dominate a conversation can quietly erode the credibility they've worked hard to build. Being seen as too reactive, too intense, or not quite steady enough is its own ceiling, and it's just as real as the one I hit.

What both situations have in common is that the leader is leaving their reputation to habit rather than intention. The quiet one defaults to staying back. The vocal one defaults to jumping in. Neither is wrong as a person. Both are paying a price they may not fully see yet.

The shift in both cases isn't about changing who you are. It's about getting deliberate about the moments that actually shape how you're perceived, because those moments are fewer than most people think, and they carry more weight than almost anything else you do.

Most leaders are spending a lot of energy on the wrong things and leaving the moments that matter most to chance. That's not a character flaw. It's just something nobody ever explains.

If this is something you've noticed in yourself, or you're seeing in your organization, I'd be glad to have a conversation.